Socially Savvy: Left Out? Reach Out!

Left Out? Reach Out!

·        Set up chairs in big circle in RS Room

·        Write BEING on board

Outline:

·        As girls come into room, hand each one a “goal” slip (Socially Savvy Goals). They’re not allowed to show it to anyone.

o   Allow the girls to practice some of the social savvy goals we’ve practiced in the past.

o   Then have everyone take a seat.

·       Left Out?

o   We have all felt left out. Try to remember a time you felt this way. How does it feel? (WRITE ON BOARD)

§  Sad, angry, awkward, unloved, worthless, isolated and alone, misunderstood, insignificant, unimportant, hurt, sullen, self-pity

o   Why do we often feel “left out”?

§  Our friends exclude us, don’t want to be around us.

§  We don’t know anyone in a certain group, we feel afraid, unsure

§  We don’t WANT to be a part of a certain group, don’t really like them, so we exclude ourselves…but we still feel a little “left out” even though we did it to ourselves.

§  We are very self-conscious of our looks, our clothes, our body, our hair, the way we talk, etc. etc., so we withdraw from contact

§  We label ourselves as “shy” and avoid social situations, or maybe we’ve been labeled as shy

·        We become unapproachable

·        Where do these feeling come from?

o   Do the people “leaving you out” make you feel this way?

§  Bless their hearts:

·        Dealing with their own insecurities and put others down to help them feel better

·        Never taught good manners L

·        They’re simply insecure and afraid to step outside their comfort zone

·        They are wrapped up in their own problems and haven’t developed the ability to see others (don’t judge, because if you felt left out, then you were also “wrapped up” in your own problems.

o   So, if the people “leaving me out” aren’t making me feel left out, then who is?

§  Who wants you to forget that you are a royal, beautiful, special, important, loved (beyond our ability to comprehend) daughter of a King, the God of this Universe? (WRITE on board)

·        Look at the contrast between the way we allow ourselves to feel when we’re “left out” and the way we ought to feel knowing that we are precious daughters of God!

§  Satan is real. He is all about getting us to feel miserable. He wants us to feel the opposite of what we are.

§  He wants to squelch the light in us. (Can we be filled with the light of Christ if we are feeling “left out”? (think of the invitation to Come Unto Christ, to hold up our light and walk His path) If we let Satan snuff out our light, then he keeps us from our potential…don’t let him do that.

·        So, HOW do we stop feeling miserable? HOW do we fight these negative, miserable “left out” feelings?

·        Read Scripture:

2 Nephi 2:26

And the Messiah cometh in the fulness of time, that he may redeem the children of men from the fall. And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon. 

(are you going to be a victim, or are you going to take charge of your life and make it the best life EVER!)

·       Reach Out!! (Act for yourself) 

·        Think about how you felt when you walked in the room today with a mission to REACH OUT!! Hopefully you didn’t have time to feel left out!

·        Laurels share message about how to help us Reach Out (to help us not feel left out

·        Share article: Including Others     http://www.lds.org/new-era/2004/09/instant-messages/including-others?lang=eng&query=include+others

·        Samantha and Sarah   https://www.lds.org/youth/article/idea-list-including-everyone?lang=eng

·        - Read “Noticing Sarah”

·        -Idea List: Reach Out

·        If Time, talk about Extraverts and Introverts and how it doesn’t matter what you are.

o   Everyone can focus outside themselves.

o   Everyone struggles leaving their comfort zone

o   They reach out in different ways

§  Extraverts who like lots of social activity, need to be aware of anyone ‘outside’ their bubble of social activity…to see past their “group” and invite in others

§  Introverts, or those who don’t feel comfortable in large loud groups, have an amazing ability to connect with people one-on-one. They can approach those on the outskirts and help them to feel welcome in their own, very effective way.

·        ACTIVITY

o   Divide girls into 4-5 groups (or groups of 4). Ask them to try and stay away from their friends. Also see if they can get at least one beehive, one miamaid and one Laurel in each group.

o   Pair up and interview your partner (someone you don’t know too well)

·        Divide into groups of 4. Those groups split into 2 and ask each other questions (practice listening). Then join back up with the other 2 and introduce your partner to the others.

·       Conclusion

·       Talk about letting their lights shine wherever they are

·       YW give closing thoughts

·        BEING truly gracious.

o   Body Language (at ease, open, inclusive, smiling)

o   Eye Contact (smile with your eyes, look into their souls)

o   Include (always be looking for anyone who could be included—scan the room)

o   Notice (be looking for interesting, positive characteristics)

o   Geniune (care, interest, love—be truly focused on others, not on yourself or your own agenda)

·      Smile at and make eye contact with someone you don’t usually talk to. As you’re talking with your friends, invite others nearby into your conversation with your body language.

·      Find anyone who is standing alone and ask them about their day. If they had a good day, find out why it was good. If it was bad, find out why.

·      Invite those on the outskirts into your conversation through your tone, your smiles and your body language. Scan the room and make sure no one feels left out.

·      Make someone you don’t know that well feel special and important by really being interested in them and giving them your full attention.

·      In your conversation with your friends, compliment other girls behind their backs.

·      Observe the people around you, look for something positive and compliment them on it. Be sincere.

·       “See” and “value” someone you haven’t really noticed before. Find something you admire about them and tell them.

·      Start a conversation with someone you don’t usually talk to or don’t really know. Find out something that is happening in her life.

·      Introduce yourself to someone whose name you don’t know (or just approach someone you don’t know that well) and find some common interests that you have.

·      Scan the room. Look for anyone who might feel left out. Do what you can to help them feel comfortable and included. Make sure they can feel your love and your interest in them.

·      Look for a group of girls that you’re less familiar with and approach them and join their conversation.

What is your favorite Primary song?
What is your favorite nursery rhyme?
What is your favorite subject in school?
What is your favorite flavor of jelly beans?
Which flavor of ice-cream do you prefer?
What do you think is your very best feature or characteristic?
What is your strongest talent?
Do you play a musical instrument, if so which one(s)?
What do you usually do when you have leisure time on your hands?
What is your favorite season and why?
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your best friend and how did you meet?
What is your favorite home cooked meal?
What is your favorite grab and go meal?
Do you prefer to wear pants or dresses?
Which Temple do you like best?
How many siblings do you have?
What is your favorite snack?
When do you usually do your homework?
What is your favorite electronic device?
If you could be any animal which one would you prefer to be and why?
Do you have pets?
Which sport do you most enjoy actively participating in?
Can you recite all of the Articles of Faith from memory?
Which of all the prophets are you most eager to meet?
What do you usually do when you meet someone for the first time?
If you have to dress and leave in a hurry what is the one thing you can easily cut out of your routine?
Do you plan to go to college?
What job do you think you would most enjoy as an adult?
Do you hope to have children of your own? If so how many.
What was the last item you cooked and ate?
How many books did you read last year?
Where did you spend your last family vacation?
Do you have relatives in other states? If so, which ones?
Are you ticklish?
What size shoe do you wear?
How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?
Which one fashion accessory do you like better than others?
Do you have chores at home you are responsible for?
Which relative lives closest to you home?
Which of your relatives would you most like to visit?
If you were called on to serve a mission where would you least like to serve?
If you were called on to serve a mission where would you most like to serve?
What age do you consider old?
Which birthday are you most looking forward to and why?
Do you prefer pens or pencils?
Do you like your handwriting?
What is your full name?
Were you named after anyone?
Have you ever been water skiing?
What do you most like to do in the snow?
What is your favorite all-time movie?
Can you change a tire?
Is your room more clean or more messy?
Which animal would you most like for your pet?
Do you like sweet treats or salty treats?
Do you find it easy to save money?
Do you get an allowance?
Do you have more friends that are boys or girls?
Which do you prefer you had - straight or curly hair?
What color eyes do you most like?
What would you say is your normal exercise routine?
Do your pants get hung or folded?
Have you ever had acrylic nails?
Have you ever colored your hair?
What do you do when something funny happens?
How do you earn money?
Do you like to dance?
Are you on any teams or in any clubs in your school? If so which ones?
Where do you keep your spending money?
Do you have a savings account?
Did you have a favorite toy as a child?
Do you share a bedroom?
Where is the farthest you have ever traveled?
Do you have family members who live in another country? If so, which family members and where do they live.
Which family member do you most resemble?
Which family member are you more like?
What is the weirdest thing that has ever happened to you?
Do you have your patriarchal blessing?
Have you ever won anything? If so, what did you win?
Do you prefer mountainous or flat regions?
What is your favorite reading material?
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Have you ever been hospitalized other than when you were born?
Do you usually buy or carry your lunch when at school?
What is your favorite fruit?
What color of clothing do you most like to wear?
What is your favorite cereal?
What is your favorite breakfast?
Who do you spend more time with?
Do you know how to iron your clothes?

Socially Savvy Tea Party Activity

We had a tea party activity where we practiced etiquette and also practiced some of our social savvy skills.

Prepare/Bring:

·        Make big fruit salad

·        Get flowers for tables (and vases) 

·        5 copies of all the YW names, cut into strips and placed in 5 bowls 

·        ·        Lemonade 

·        Pretty serving dishes? 

·        Bring in rolling chalkboard, get chalk, picture of Christ

·        Make numbers for each plate setting 1-6 (8 of each)

·        Print out conversation starters, one set for each table 

·         

Set up

·        Set tables with white cloths, flowers and china (use plastic forks) and napkins. Use Value fabric to have different colored tables…or put numbers on tables

·        Set up one long table with hot water and tea packets

7:00       Opening Exercises in Primary room. As girls walk into the gym, assign them different tables. 

Tea Party Outline

·        Welcome to our Tea Party!!

o   Why are we having a tea party?

§  Who goes to tea parties? (royalty?, ladies, people who are refined)

§  What kind of conversation would you expect? (refined, dignified, respectful, educated)

·        Graciousness!! (genuinely kind without any stuffiness or awkwardness)

o   Are you royalty? Are you ladies?

§  Does a lady have to be all dressed up? And be fancy? Stuffy?

§  How would you describe a true lady (or gentlewoman):

§  What are they like, how do they act? (Think GRACIOUS, KIND, SINCERE, FRIENDLY, REFINED)

§  How do they make you feel? (Loved and important)

§  Do you like people who make you feel important????

·        Do any of you know someone who is truly gracious? Does this person lift you and motivate you to be your best?

§  How would you feel inside, if you spent your day helping others to feel loved and important? (Think of the potential you have, the love and light that you are able to shine on those around you!!

·        ANYONE can lift and love others. You don’t need the latest fashionable clothing, you don’t need to have a perfect body or perfect hair, you don’t need to be popular – THINK about it!!

o   How do we BECOME more gracious?

§  FIRST we need to develop charity. We need to sincerely care for and love those around us.

§  SECOND we need to practice our social skills and learn how to interact in a way that truly lifts others.

o   Turn time over to Angela to go over BEING truly gracious.

§  Body Language (at ease, open, inclusive, smiling)

§  Eye Contact (smile with your eyes, look into their souls)

§  Include (always be looking for anyone who could be included—scan the room)

§  Notice (be looking for interesting, positive characteristics)

§  Geniune (care, interest, love—be truly focused on others, not on yourself or your own agenda)

·        BODY LANGUAGE

o   Girls start eating

o   Use a conversation starter slip. Try to eat and pay attention to the person on your right and your left. Use your body language to make sure that everyone at the table is feeling included. Also, break the ice by talking about the food, serving each other drinks and passing food, etc. SMILE at each other.

·        EYE CONTACT

o   Eye Contact Game (switch places, different emotions, etc.)

·        INCLUDING

o   All partners start separate conversations (use conversation starter slip—in bowl on table). The plate settings at each table are numbered. I will call out a number (or tap a person at each table). That person tries to reel in all the conversations into one, by using body language, eye contact and names.

·        NOTICE

o   Game with jar of names of girls (Angela will bring). Girls take name and describe that person (in a positive light) to partner. See who can get the most in 30 seconds.

·        GENUINE

o   End with short talk about becoming Christlike. How these skills will help you draw others to Him. How we start realizing our royal potential as “Daughters of God” as we develop true charity for others and the skills/ability to lift others. This is the mark of true royalty, of good character, when we practice BEING more like our Savior.

General Conference, April 1979  Royden G. Derrick  The Heritage of Royal Families

Have you ever dreamed of belonging to a royal family? A royal family has the authority to be such—received from one who has a right to bestow such an honor. You likely have a person holding such a dignified honor right in your own home. The Apostle Peter, addressing the Saints of his day, said, “Ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people” (1 Pet. 2:9). Don’t you have this same royal priesthood in your home?

A royal family is a family whose members are honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, temperate, patient, charitable, humble, diligent, well read, and law-abiding. The Lord has cautioned, “But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth” (D&C 93:40). He also instructed us, “And they shall … teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord” (D&C 68:28). He further said, “Seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith” (D&C 88:118).

A royal family is a family of well-disciplined parents and children who control their appetites. The Lord promises those who do so, “And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings, walking in obedience to the commandments, … shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures” (D&C 89:18–19).

A royal family is a family that is exemplary. They set a pattern for other families to follow. The Savior said, speaking to his faithful followers:

“Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

“Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matt. 5:14–16.)

Here are some of the games we played:

The game

1. Each person has to write down the names of each girl in our group. Each name is written onto a separate piece of paper, folded and put into a bowl.

2. Get into pairs and have someone as time keeper. Each pair takes it in turns for one to pick a name and describe who they are in one minute (without saying the name!) i.e. “he’s married to the one that was Posh in the Spice girls”. You are only allowed one pass and the pass name has to go back into the pot.

3. At the end of the minute, keep a total of how many the pair got right and then pass the bowl to the next pair to have their turn.

4. The bowl then gets passed back to the previous pair for them to switch roles (the other describes while the partner guesses).The bowl gets passed between teams until all names have run out

5. The winners are the team with the most names guessed correctly once all names have gone from the bowl

To make the game more entertaining, it’s good to put some random names that will be hard or embarrassing to describe.

 We didn't do this activity exactly, but did our own variation:

Eye Contact

Copyright 2007 by Ken Sapp

This icebreaker game is similar to Connected but the connections are visual ones as participants make eye contact with one another. You can use this icebreaker to discuss communication, attention, community, and connections or relationships. It can also be used for team building and relationship building in training events.

Description
Sitting or standing in a circle, youth look across the circle at someone and then when mutual eye contact has been made, they switch places while maintaining eye contact the entire time.

Resources
None

Preparation
None

What to Do

1.      Sit the group in chairs in a circle, or stand in a circle with everyone facing inward toward the center of the circle.

2.      Each person must announce his or her name and one characteristics about himself/herself. You could also have everyone answer the same common question like “What is your favorite movie?”

3.      Participants then look across the circle to another participant. At any time two persons make mutual eye contact, they must announce the name of the other person and begin moving to switch places. They must maintain eye contact the entire time until they have switched. They must not rush, but move slowly and purposefully.

4.      Once they have switched they must again look around the circle until they make mutual eye contact with another person. They cannot exchange places with the same person twice in a row.

5.      Many pairs can exchange at the same time.

Variations

1.      Play the game silently

2.      Have participants exchange greetings in the middle of the circle.

3.      As the game continues, periodically call out various emotions they people should try to express through their eyes only (care, love, anger, disappointment, honesty, encouragement, forgiveness, trust, hope, joy, etc).

Taking it to the Next Level

·        Did anyone feel uncomfortable maintaining eye contact the entire time? Why?

·        How did you feel to have someone’s attention focused completely on you? Why?

·        Ok, admit it. Who broke eye contact during the exchange? How did it affect the exchange?

·        Is eye contact important in relationships? Why or why not?

·        What functions does eye contact have in relationships?

·        What feelings did you experience in this game? Why?

·        Did you have different feelings with different people? Why?

·        Is there anyone you did not make eye contact with? Why? Look at that person now. Are your feelings any different than from those people you made eye contact with?

·        It has been said that the eyes are a window into the soul. What do you think this means?

·        What things do a person’s eyes reveal? How accurate are they?

·        If you were to look into Christ’s eyes what do you think you would see?

·        If Christ were to look you straight in the eyes, how would you feel? What do you think he might see?

Teacher’s Note: This is a fun way of looking at Bible Stories that involve encounters between two people. Read the story. At crucial points throughout the story, stop the narrative and then ask: “What feelings might you see reflected in each of the characters eyes at this point in the story?” For example, in the story of Jesus and the woman at the well. Do you think the woman was trying to avoid eye contact? When Jesus asked her for a drink, what might you see reflected in her eyes? As she looked back at Christ, what do you think she might have seen reflected in his eyes? Then continue the story. Later, when he tells her he has living water from which she will never thirst again, stop the story and ask the same questions. This can be applied to numerous narratives and events in the Bible and may provide a fresh perspective on a well known story.

Conclusion
Our eyes reveal a lot about us. Look a person in the eyes and you can learn a lot about them. As you seek to build meaningful relationships with others, take some time to look into their eyes. Try to see the world through their eyes. Try to see them through Christ’s eyes! When you do, you will get a little more insight into God’s love and place for you in this world.

Action Point

·        Try to see others through the eyes of Christ?

·        Take a little time, away from the hustle and bustle of life, and spend some focused time with someone this week in eye to eye communication. By your attention let them know you care!

Another Game Idea:

Pink Pig: A Table Manners Game

Christine Brown, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Nov 21, 2008 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here."

·        MORE:

·        Pigs

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It is becoming more apparent that a standard code of etiquette for children at the dinner table is not as prevalent as it once was. When trying to teach my children what was considered proper manners at the dinner table we came up with a very clever game to help us learn. We simply call it "The Pink Pig", and the rules are very simple and easy to follow for anyone ages seven and up.

Place a small plastic pig in the center of your kitchen table. When anyone at the table does not follow an agreed upon dinner table rule then the pig gets placed before them, and the rule that is not being followed is announced. The person with the pig in front of them needs to be on the lookout for another rule breaker and try to get rid of the pig before the end of the meal. Whoever ends up with the pig at meals end has to clear the table and wash the dinner dishes.

A few example of dinner table rules to follow:

1. No talking with food in your mouth.

2. Never rest your elbows on the table, and both hands should be present during the meal, unless reaching for your napkin.

3. No inappropriate dinner conversation (not the time to discuss anything that would make your food unappetizing at the table, or make a guest uncomfortable).

4. No reaching over anyone for food, instead request for something to be passed to you.

5. Always contribute to the dinner conversation, but do not monopolize it.

6. You must try at last a bite of all food prepared by the host, unless there are allergies or religious convictions involved.

7. Ask permission from the host(usually mom or dad) to leave the table at any time.

8. If getting up to refill drinks or get seconds, ask if anyone else needs anything.

These are a few easy rules, that can be added to for more formal occasions, but are great starters for any family. We have also played this game at casual dining restaraunts and used a pink sugar packet as our pig.