Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Smile at Them!

Today, as I was watching my sweet little ones play, I was so touched by the beauty of childhood. Watching them warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face. I love to see them interact. I love that they are best friends. I love, love, love to watch them play. I love to watch them enter make-believe worlds that only they can understand. I love driving in the car and hearing the cute things that they say to each other. It makes me smile. I find that I smile a lot. And I think it's because I'm enjoying my little people so, so much. I often even smile when they are naughty...not always...but often.

It hasn't always been so easy for me to smile at my kids. It's a learned trait and it has come with age, perspective, time...and prayer. I've always been a basically happy and optimistic person, but I remember when I was a young mom, raising my first batch of kids, that I used to get much more upset and stressed out. Yes, I still enjoyed my older kids and I loved them just as much as I do my younger kids...but I remember that I had way less patience and was way more stressed. And the result was that I was often quick to anger.

I remember one particular trying afternoon. At the time I had 5 kids and my oldest was 7. I had a lot on my plate. I was trying to organize a large community event. I had church responsibilities that I needed to get done. The kids were fighting and being mean to each other. There was lots of crying and screaming. One of the older kids woke the baby up from her nap. We had people coming over in the evening and I was trying to get the house looking decent. I was getting NOTHING done (in fact, I was moving backwards--the house was getting more messy by the hour) and on top of all that, the kids were complaining, fighting, and being disobedient. I had had it! I was feeling so frustrated, overwhelmed and angry! I had spent the whole afternoon clenching my teeth, speaking sternly and giving the "evil" eye. As I got more frustrated, the kids' behavior deteriorated and I was, in turn, feeling more angry. I think we all are familiar with that lovely downward spiral! It stinks! So, before I did something that I would regret, I ran to my bedroom and locked the door.

With the muffled sound of whining and occasional pounding on the door, I sank to my knees next to my bed. I was tense, frazzled and angry. I knew I was not being an exemplary mother. In my head I knew that it was wrong for me to be feeling annoyed and mad at my sweet kids. In my head, I knew that it was mostly my fault, not theirs. Yet, I just couldn't turn this day around on my own. I knew I needed help. I knelt at my bed and prayed. I pleaded with my Heavenly Father to help me. I couldn't do this alone. I wanted to be a better mother. I wanted my kids to feel unconditional love from me, not annoyance and anger. As I whispered my pleadings, I felt a quiet peace come over me. And then suddenly I had a very distinct impression. It was clear as day.

I could  almost 'hear' the words in my head: "Smile at them.". What a simple thought! I immediately thought back through the day and realized that I had not once smiled at my children. I sat down on my bed and thought about the answer I had been given. I pray a lot and I believe that prayers are answered, but seldom had I witnessed such an immediate and distinct answer to a prayer. I knew that I had just received personal revelation from my Heavenly Father. I knew that He was aware of me and that He understood my situation perfectly. I still didn't feel like smiling, so I practiced smiling as I sat there on my bed. I said another prayer, thanking God for His wise answer to my prayer and asking Him to help me to smile. Then I unlocked my door and faced my kids with a smile on my face.

That experience changed me. It did not change me overnight, nor did it keep me from ever getting mad at my kids. But, it gave me some insight which resulted in growth. My sweet and loving Father in Heaven wants me to enjoy His children. He is all about joy. These sweet children are His children first! He loves them so much more than I can even fathom. As I recognize just how blessed I am to be entrusted with each of my precious children, I am filled with gratitude for the honor of being a mother.

Fast forward 15 years and three additional children, and I find that I still remember that sweet answer to my prayer just as vividly. Now, as an older mother of young children, I don't let the little things bother me as much. I better understand that each beautiful phase of childhood is fleeting and precious. I realize that I need to enjoy each moment to its fullest...not only the moments with my little children, but also each beautiful moment with my teenage and adult children. I'm better now at seeing these moments as the precious gifts that they are. And when I consciously notice these precious moments, I smile. I have a hunch that my sweet Father in Heaven is smiling with me. And when I'm caught up in these precious moments of motherhood, I often think back to the sweet and tender lesson I was taught so many years ago: Smile at Them!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Helping Children to Find JOY in Righteous Living

Raising a family in troubled times:
How to help children know the joy the Gospel brings

Teaching our children to recognize, understand and feel the true joy and light that comes from living the gospel will help them to withstand temptations as they learn to completely trust and rely on their loving Heavenly Father. Recognizing the language of the Spirit, understanding spiritual consequences to their actions and feeling the joy that accompanies charity will help them to govern themselves and allows us, their parents and teachers, to let go and watch them achieve their potentials.
What is meant by “troubled times”?
The Apostle Paul accurately described our day in his letter to Timothy: “In the last days,” he said, “perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, … despisers of those that are good, … lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; … Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”
·         Troubled Society
o   The moral fabric is thinning. We can no longer look to our society to teach correct values. Our society reflects violence, immorality and selfishness.
·         Troubled Families
o   Family members who deal with emotional or mental issues, unrighteous choices, divorce, death, illness, financial problems,
·         Troubled Individuals
o   Dealing with our own issues, abusive past, unfulfilled dreams, emotional or mental challenges, burdens,

We’re talking about teaching children (and ourselves) to find joy in the gospel!  (not just joy, but joy in the gospel)

What is the gospel? We need to teach our children what the gospel is!!
The gospel is the source of all joy. The gospel is our Heavenly Father’s plan for happiness and joy. You and I are his literal spirit children. He knows us and loves us perfectly and unconditionally. As our loving Father, he wants us to become “perfect”…perfectly loving, perfectly joyful, our perfect selves. Knowing that we need to be tested and tried in order to grow and develop into our potential selves, he created this beautiful earth and provided us with physical bodies. And to truly test us, our memory of our pre-mortal life with Him was dimmed and he allowed Satan to tempt us because He knew we needed opposition in all things in order to grow and become stronger. Our sweet and perfectly loving Heavenly Father KNEW that we would make mistakes along the way. He knew that we would give into temptations, discouragement, selfishness, pride and that our souls would become stained with sin and that the effect or consequence of sin would make us unworthy or unable to dwell in our Father’s presence.  All of our actions have consequences…I believe we are unaware of enormity of the consequences. Consequences for sins can affect generations and cause hurt and pain beyond our awareness. Each sin causes suffering...each sin has a price. We can suffer because of sins, but, because we are imperfect, we cannot suffer sufficiently to pay the price for that sin. We cannot remove the sin from ourselves.
In order to pay for the sin, our loving Heavenly Father sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Christ suffered all the agony associated with our sin—that is the price of sin. Think of the amount of dark, awful and hellish sins committed in this world—and the hurt and sorrow associated with them. Our Savior had to feel the anguish associated with each awful act for each and every sin that has or ever will be committed. He literally paid the price by suffering the full effect of each of our sins and sorrows…something we are completely incapable of doing because we are imperfect. Because He suffered for our sins (paid the price), we don’t have to…if we repent and turn to Him and accept His precious offering. This is the atonement. This is the good news of the gospel: That through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we can be cleansed of our sins and return to our Heavenly Father and receive a fullness of joy.

·         What does that mean “finding  joy”?
o   When we feel joy, we are feeling the Spirit of God, we are feeling His love. Joy is being filled with love, light and peace. Joy is just another word to describe feeling the love of God.

Joy is feeling the love of God: We feel it whenever we are doing something that puts us on the path to becoming Christ like.

What sorts of things bring us joy?  When we work hard at something and really stretch ourselves, when learn new things, when we’re full of gratitude, when we forget ourselves and serve others, when we form and nurture loving relationships, when we develop our God-given talents, when we acknowledge God in our lives.
·         Does life have to be easy for us to have joy? Life does NOT have to be easy for us to be filled with joy. In fact, we sometimes have our greatest joy when we’re going through some of our most trying and difficult times

·       Beautiful Blog about Jordan Janeway



A condition of great happiness coming from righteous living. The purpose of mortal life is for all people to have joy (2 Ne. 2:22–25). A full joy will come only through Jesus Christ (John 15:11;).

 2 Ne. 2
22 And now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
 23 And they would have had no achildren; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no bjoy, for they knew no misery; doing no good, for they knew no csin.
 24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who aknoweth all things.
 25 aAdam bfell that men might be; and men care, that they might have djoy.

John 15
  As the Father hath aloved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
 10 If ye akeep my commandments, ye shall abide in my blove; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
 11 These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your ajoy might be full.

So, how do we teach this to young people (and old people)?
1.       Help them understand the spiritual language of  God...the source of all joy.
2.       Help them recognize the spiritual consequences that come from their actions
3.       Help them feel the joy that ALWAYS accompanies charity (Christ-like love) and true repentance.

Understanding the spiritual language of joy (which comes from God)
·         How do you learn a language?
o   Teachers, examples to point out meaning
o   Need to immerse and practice in order to acquire
·         What do we need to do in order to be effective language teachers?
o   Need to know it ourselves
§  Are we allowing ourselves to feel joy—we need to realize that joy is not situational…it is a conscious decision on our part.
§  Are we recognizing the Lord’s hand in our lives?
·         Start simply by always pointing out joy and the absence of joy:
o   Point out joy—the sweet, warm, peaceful happy feeling
§  Sharing, thoughtful, working hard, creating, observing beauty, helping, serving, learning, loving, being honest, bonding,
·         Interrupt your young children when they are playing nicely with each other and remind them how good they feel
·         Point out joy when they see a rainbow or any beauty in nature: cloud formations, stars, a sunset, a beautiful waterfall, etc.
§  Teenagers are a little harder (but it’s ok if they roll their eyes): point out the beautiful feeling in the home when they’re helping, serving, creating, bonding…
§  If you have adult children who never “grasped” the joy that comes from the gospel, you can still teach by example.
·         Some children have a harder time grasping this than others. For some, they might not understand it until well into their adult years.
o   Point out absence of joy—hardness, darkness, anger, emptiness,
§  Fighting, gossiping, cheating, lying, hurting others physically or emotionally, being lazy, indulgent, self-absorbed, angry, full of self-pity, etc.
§  With little ones, ask “Do you like how your feel right now?” “Do you feel happy and calm?”
§  Explain that the Holy Ghost won’t stay with us when we make bad choices. He goes away to help to teach us that when we don’t keep the commandments, we won’t feel happy/joyful inside.
§  Teach by example: Point out times when your heart was hard and you felt selfish or angry and then how you did change, or want to change, because JOY is always your goal.
o   Joy is the Goal!!  “Men are that they might have joy”
§  Joy must be taught! We need to dwell on joy!!
·         If a child feels joy, stop and help her make the connection: Her loving Heavenly Father is the source of that joy. This will help her feel just how “real” her Heavenly Father is. And because joy is joyful, J she will also understand just how good and loving he is.
§  Explain that this joyful feeling comes from the Holy Ghost as he is able to fill her soul and witness God’s love to her. The Holy Ghost is teaching us that if we keep the commandments, we will be happy.
§  Bonus to teaching joy: The more you point out joy, the more YOU will appreciate just how much our Heavenly Father loves you and more joy YOU will feel.

Understanding/recognizing consequences
·         Once you understand what “joy” is and can recognize it when you feel it, then you are able to recognize good and bad consequences.
o   Point out/recall behaviors from the past and presence or absence of joy
§  Share these examples with your children!!
§  Have kids share similar experiences (around dinner table, FHE, after school, etc).
·         Did you have to make any hard decisions today?
·         When they make good, hard choices, ask them how they feel?
o   How did that make you feel? (Help them to correlate their feelings with their actions)
·         Teach that Obedience brings joy!
o   Joseph Smith taught that “in obedience there is joy and peace unspotted, unalloyed; and as God has designed our happiness…he never has–He never will institute an ordinance or give a commandment to His people that is not calculated in its nature to promote that happiness which He has designed, and which will not end in the greatest amount of good and glory to those who become the recipients of his law and ordinances” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pp. 256-57).
§  What a wonderful promise! There couldn’t be a more wonderful reward for keeping the commandments. The Lord promises us joy. Satan tries to lure us with riches, fame, beauty and prestige, but he cannot promise joy. –point this out to your kids!!
o   Teach the joy that comes from living the standards in “For the Strength of Youth”. This pamphlet could also be called “For the JOY of Youth, Children and Adults”.
§  Obedience and compliance with each of these standards will result in increased joy and decreased regret…
§  Ask teenagers to picture their lives in 10 or 20 years. Talk about regret versus joy. Will they look back on their teen years and wish that they had had more inappropriate and serious relationships? No. Will they wish they had dressed more immodestly and objectified themselves, or that they had watched more explicit or violent movies? Will they wish they had been more dishonest or selfish? NO!! These are things that cause regret, despair and darkness.
§  If our teens understand what joy is and what it feels like, then they’ll understand that God’s standards aren’t restricting, they are enabling them to feel joy!!
·         Teach that repentance brings joy!
Elder Craig C Christensen, April 2006
When we understand that being filled with joy involves being filled with the Holy Ghost, we realize that true happiness comes from repenting of our sins and living worthy of the Spirit. In addition, when feeling the Spirit, we can find great joy in knowing that we are being sanctified before God.
The joy that comes from repentance is evident on many levels. First is the joy and comfort that come to the heart of a repentant soul as the burden of sin is lifted. Second are the deep feelings of joy and love that come to those who help others work through the repentance process. And finally there are the joyful feelings of a loving Savior as He sees us follow His admonitions and rely upon the healing power of His atoning sacrifice.
o   Practice repentance with young kids. Always point out the joy they feel after they repent…in contrast to the yuckiness they felt beforehand.
o   Repentance isn’t here to shame us or to make us feel guilty. Repentance is about restoring JOY to our lives.

As we are filled with charity—the pure love of God, our joy will be full
What brings joy??
§  There are the lies that the world tells us: more money, nicer house, designer clothes, a skinnier body, whiter teeth, less wrinkles, more friends, nicer car, more toys, fabulous vacations, etc.
§  Then there are the things that we know are good: Working hard, getting married in the temple, taking care of our bodies, going on a mission,
getting an education, learning new things, going hiking in nature, holding your newborn baby, spending time with family/friends…
·         Has there ever been anyone with lots of money who was miserable?
·         Has there ever been anyone with who worked hard who was miserable?
·         Do any of these things guarantee joy???

o   There is only ONE thing that guarantees true joy in our lives. And that is being filled with the Love of God…the only guaranteed source of joy!
§  When we are filled with God’s love, we are never miserable…we can’t be! When his love fills our hearts, we are always filled with joy and peace.
§  How do we allow His love for us to fill our hearts? (He will never force us to feel the constant, perfect love that he has for us)
·         Love Him
·         Love our neighbor
·         Matthew 22:37-39
·          Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.  This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
o   I am so profoundly grateful for the gospel and its teachings. I am so grateful for the knowledge of a loving, perfect Heavenly Father and that so much love and joy can be found in this imperfect and confused world.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Summer Schedule and Goals Booklet

I always get lots of fun ideas from my friend, Corinne Andrus. We often share ideas that will help us in our efforts to be better mothers. Last May, Corinne didn't have any huge medical issues or hospitalizations in her family (as opposed to this year) and we both happened to be feeling motivated to start summer programs with our kids. So, we started brainstorming on how to create summer memories that would help us and each of our family members reach our/their potentials. We wanted to help our kids work towards meaningful goals and to make choices that reflect correct principles and priorities. Anyways, after some time on the phone and sharing files back and forth, Corinne came up with a fun program that worked for her family and I came up with one for our family. I created booklets for each family member.

I usually come up with some sort of goal program each summer, because I can't stand it when my kids are sitting around doing absolutely nothing when there is so much they could be doing. But last summer, we had some younger house guests stay for several weeks and I wanted to make sure that we were all on the same "page" as far as summer activities goes, which is why I created the elaborate booklet.

One of my favorite summer traditions of all time is our "Quiet Reading Time". It's a perfect way to get all the kids out of bed by a decent hour, to set the tone for the day as we first read scriptures, then kneel in family prayer and then spend some down time just reading inspirational books. This "quiet reading time" gave us the perfect setting to in which to use our summer goal booklet. We pulled them out each morning as we gathered together for family prayer and scripture reading. At that point, we would review the goals we had each set and would plan out our day accordingly. I tried to allow the kids to really personalize their goals while reminding them of what was important. Although the schedule looks rigid, they have plenty of choices on how they want to spent their time. I just expect them to be productive. The goal is to look back on the summer and be happy with how you spent your time and especially to be happy with the person you are on your way to becoming.

I haven't made a booklet for this summer (2014). Time just got away from me. Corinne didn't either...well, she has a much better excuse than me: Remember When Summer Plans Were Simple. But as I came across one of our booklets from last year, I was reminded of all the work that went into our summer planning and all the joy that came from implementing our program. So, I thought I'd just share it. A lot of thought and prayer went into it. Maybe it will inspire some other mom to create a wonderful summer for her children. And if you do use and edit this file, I'd love to see your changes and improvements. It's always fun and inspiring to see what another mom might come up with, so share your ideas.  I'll include the booklet in it's entirety for download HERE. It's a Microsoft Publisher file. So, I think you'd have to have Publisher on your computer to be able to view it.  I'm already excited to do a similar booklet for next summer...or maybe I could make something like this for the upcoming school year?  Mostly, I'm just always trying to find new ways to help remind myself and the kids of what is truly important and to help us continue to make choices and goals that reflect our desire to find true joy in this beautiful journey that we call life.