Raising a family in troubled times:
How to help children know the joy the Gospel brings
Teaching our children to recognize, understand
and feel the true joy and light that comes from living the gospel
will help them to withstand temptations as they learn to completely trust and
rely on their loving Heavenly Father. Recognizing the language of the Spirit,
understanding spiritual consequences to their actions and feeling the joy that
accompanies charity will help them to govern themselves and allows us, their
parents and teachers, to let go and watch them achieve their potentials.
What is meant by “troubled times”?
The Apostle Paul accurately
described our day in his letter to Timothy: “In the last days,” he said,
“perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, …
despisers of those that are good, … lovers of pleasures more than lovers of
God; … Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the
truth.”
·
Troubled Society
o
The moral fabric is thinning. We can no longer
look to our society to teach correct values. Our society reflects violence,
immorality and selfishness.
·
Troubled Families
o
Family members who deal with emotional or mental
issues, unrighteous choices, divorce, death, illness, financial problems,
·
Troubled Individuals
o
Dealing with our own issues, abusive past,
unfulfilled dreams, emotional or mental challenges, burdens,
We’re talking about teaching children (and ourselves) to find joy in the gospel! (not just joy, but joy in the gospel)
What is the
gospel? We need to teach our children what the gospel is!!
The gospel is the
source of all joy. The gospel is our Heavenly Father’s plan for happiness and joy. You and I are his literal spirit children. He knows us and
loves us perfectly and unconditionally. As our loving Father, he wants us to
become “perfect”…perfectly loving, perfectly joyful, our perfect selves.
Knowing that we need to be tested and tried in order to grow and develop into
our potential selves, he created this beautiful earth and provided us with
physical bodies. And to truly test us, our memory of our pre-mortal life with
Him was dimmed and he allowed Satan to tempt us because He knew we needed
opposition in all things in order to grow and become stronger. Our sweet and
perfectly loving Heavenly Father KNEW that we would make mistakes along the
way. He knew that we would give into temptations, discouragement, selfishness,
pride and that our souls would become stained with sin and that the effect or consequence of sin would make
us unworthy or unable to dwell in our
Father’s presence. All of our actions
have consequences…I believe we are unaware of enormity of the consequences.
Consequences for sins can affect generations and cause hurt and pain beyond our
awareness. Each sin causes suffering...each sin has a price. We can suffer
because of sins, but, because we are imperfect, we cannot suffer sufficiently
to pay the price for that sin. We cannot remove the sin from ourselves.
In order to pay for
the sin, our loving Heavenly Father sent His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
Christ suffered all the agony associated with our sin—that is the price of sin.
Think of the amount of dark, awful and hellish sins committed in this world—and
the hurt and sorrow associated with them. Our Savior had to feel the anguish
associated with each awful act for each and every sin that has or ever will be
committed. He literally paid the price by suffering the full effect of each of
our sins and sorrows…something we are completely incapable of doing because we
are imperfect. Because He suffered for our sins (paid the price), we don’t have
to…if we repent and turn to
Him and accept His precious offering. This is the atonement. This is the good
news of the gospel: That through the atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ, we
can be cleansed of our sins and return to our Heavenly Father and receive a
fullness of joy.
·
What does that mean “finding joy”?
o
When we feel joy, we are feeling the Spirit of
God, we are feeling His love. Joy is being filled with love, light and peace.
Joy is just another word to describe feeling the love of God.
Joy is feeling the love of God: We feel it whenever we are doing something
that puts us on the path to becoming Christ like.
What sorts of things
bring us joy? When we work hard at
something and really stretch ourselves, when learn new things, when we’re full
of gratitude, when we forget ourselves and serve others, when we form and
nurture loving relationships, when we develop our God-given talents, when we acknowledge
God in our lives.
·
Does life
have to be easy for us to have joy? Life does NOT have to be easy for us to
be filled with joy. In fact, we sometimes have our greatest joy when we’re
going through some of our most trying and difficult times
A
condition of great happiness coming from righteous living. The purpose of
mortal life is for all people to have joy (2 Ne. 2:22–25). A full joy will come
only through Jesus Christ (John 15:11;).
22 And
now, behold, if Adam had not transgressed he would not have fallen, but he
would have remained in the garden of Eden. And all things which were created
must have remained in the same state in which they were after they were
created; and they must have remained forever, and had no end.
23 And they would have had no achildren; wherefore
they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no bjoy, for they knew no
misery; doing no good, for they knew no csin.
24 But behold, all things have been done in
the wisdom of him who aknoweth all
things.
25 aAdam bfell that
men might be; and men care, that they might
have djoy.
John 15
9 As
the Father hath aloved me,
so have I loved you: continue ye in my love.
10 If ye akeep my
commandments, ye shall abide in my blove; even as I have kept
my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love.
11 These things have I spoken unto you,
that my joy might remain in you, and that your ajoy might
be full.
So, how do we teach
this to young people (and old people)?
1.
Help them understand the spiritual language of God...the source of all joy.
2.
Help them recognize the spiritual consequences
that come from their actions
3.
Help them feel the joy that ALWAYS accompanies
charity (Christ-like love) and true repentance.
Understanding
the spiritual language of joy (which comes from God)
·
How do
you learn a language?
o
Teachers, examples to point out meaning
o
Need to immerse and practice in order to acquire
·
What do
we need to do in order to be effective language teachers?
o
Need to know it ourselves
§
Are we allowing ourselves to feel joy—we need to
realize that joy is not situational…it is a conscious decision on our part.
§
Are we recognizing the Lord’s hand in our lives?
·
Start simply
by always pointing out joy and the absence of joy:
o
Point out joy—the sweet, warm, peaceful
happy feeling
§
Sharing, thoughtful, working hard, creating,
observing beauty, helping, serving, learning, loving, being honest, bonding,
·
Interrupt your young children when they are
playing nicely with each other and remind them how good they feel
·
Point out joy when they see a rainbow or any
beauty in nature: cloud formations, stars, a sunset, a beautiful waterfall,
etc.
§
Teenagers are a little harder (but it’s ok if
they roll their eyes): point out the beautiful feeling in the home when they’re
helping, serving, creating, bonding…
§
If you have adult children who never “grasped”
the joy that comes from the gospel, you can still teach by example.
·
Some children have a harder time grasping this than
others. For some, they might not understand it until well into their adult
years.
o
Point out absence of joy—hardness, darkness,
anger, emptiness,
§
Fighting, gossiping, cheating, lying, hurting
others physically or emotionally, being lazy, indulgent, self-absorbed, angry,
full of self-pity, etc.
§
With little ones, ask “Do you like how your feel
right now?” “Do you feel happy and calm?”
§
Explain that the Holy Ghost won’t stay with us
when we make bad choices. He goes away to help to teach us that when we don’t
keep the commandments, we won’t feel happy/joyful inside.
§
Teach by
example: Point out times when your heart was hard and you felt selfish or
angry and then how you did change, or want to change, because JOY is always
your goal.
o
Joy is
the Goal!! “Men are that they might
have joy”
§
Joy must be taught! We need to dwell on joy!!
·
If a child feels joy, stop and help her
make the connection: Her loving Heavenly Father is the source of that joy. This
will help her feel just how “real” her Heavenly Father is. And because joy
is joyful, J
she will also understand just how good and loving he is.
§
Explain that this joyful feeling comes from the
Holy Ghost as he is able to fill her soul and witness God’s love to her. The
Holy Ghost is teaching us that if we keep the commandments, we will be happy.
§
Bonus to teaching joy: The more you point out joy,
the more YOU will appreciate just
how much our Heavenly Father loves you and more joy YOU will feel.
Understanding/recognizing consequences
·
Once you understand what “joy” is and can
recognize it when you feel it, then you are able to recognize good and bad
consequences.
o
Point out/recall behaviors from the past and
presence or absence of joy
§
Share these examples with your children!!
§
Have kids share similar experiences (around
dinner table, FHE, after school, etc).
·
Did you have to make any hard decisions today?
·
When they make good, hard choices, ask them how
they feel?
o
How did that make you feel? (Help them to
correlate their feelings with their actions)
·
Teach
that Obedience brings joy!
o
Joseph Smith taught that “in obedience there is joy and peace unspotted, unalloyed; and as God
has designed our happiness…he never has–He never will institute an ordinance or
give a commandment to His people that is not calculated in its nature to
promote that happiness which He has designed, and which will not end in the
greatest amount of good and glory to those who become the recipients of his law
and ordinances” (Teachings of the
Prophet Joseph Smith, pp. 256-57).
§
What a wonderful promise! There couldn’t be a
more wonderful reward for keeping the commandments. The Lord promises us joy.
Satan tries to lure us with riches, fame, beauty and prestige, but he cannot promise joy. –point this out to your kids!!
o
Teach the joy that comes from living the
standards in “For the Strength of Youth”. This pamphlet could also be called “For the JOY
of Youth, Children and Adults”.
§
Obedience and compliance with each of these
standards will result in increased joy and decreased regret…
§
Ask teenagers to picture their lives in 10 or 20
years. Talk about regret versus joy. Will they look back on their teen years
and wish that they had had more inappropriate and serious relationships? No. Will
they wish they had dressed more immodestly and objectified themselves, or that they
had watched more explicit or violent movies? Will they wish they had been more
dishonest or selfish? NO!! These are things that cause regret, despair and
darkness.
§
If our teens understand what joy is and what it
feels like, then they’ll understand that God’s standards aren’t restricting,
they are enabling them to feel joy!!
·
Teach
that repentance brings joy!
Elder Craig C
Christensen, April 2006
When we understand that being filled with joy involves being
filled with the Holy Ghost, we realize that true happiness comes from repenting
of our sins and living worthy of the Spirit. In addition, when feeling the
Spirit, we can find great joy in knowing that we are being sanctified before
God.
The joy that comes from repentance is evident on many
levels. First is the joy and comfort that come to the heart of a repentant soul
as the burden of sin is lifted. Second are the deep feelings of joy and love
that come to those who help others work through the repentance process. And
finally there are the joyful feelings of a loving Savior as He sees us follow
His admonitions and rely upon the healing power of His atoning sacrifice.
o
Practice repentance with young kids.
Always point out the joy they feel after they repent…in contrast to the
yuckiness they felt beforehand.
o
Repentance isn’t here to shame us or to make us
feel guilty. Repentance is about restoring JOY to our lives.
As we are filled with charity—the pure love of God, our joy will be full
What brings joy??
§
There are
the lies that the world tells us: more money, nicer house, designer
clothes, a skinnier body, whiter teeth, less wrinkles, more friends, nicer car,
more toys, fabulous vacations, etc.
§
Then
there are the things that we know are good: Working hard, getting married
in the temple, taking care of our bodies, going on a mission,
getting an education, learning new things, going hiking in nature,
holding your newborn baby, spending time with family/friends…
·
Has there ever been anyone with lots of money
who was miserable?
·
Has there ever been anyone with who worked
hard who was miserable?
·
Do any of these things guarantee joy???
o
There is only ONE thing that guarantees true joy
in our lives. And that is being filled with the Love of God…the only guaranteed
source of joy!
§
When we are filled with God’s love, we are never
miserable…we can’t be! When his love fills our hearts, we are always filled
with joy and peace.
§
How do we allow His love for us to fill our
hearts? (He will never force us to feel the constant, perfect love that he has
for us)
·
Love Him
·
Love our neighbor
·
Matthew 22:37-39
·
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the
Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with
all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the
second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy
neighbour as thyself.
o
I am so profoundly grateful for the gospel and
its teachings. I am so grateful for the knowledge of a loving, perfect Heavenly
Father and that so much love and joy can be found in this imperfect and
confused world.
Today, as I was watching my sweet little ones play, I was so touched by the beauty of childhood. Watching them warmed my heart and brought a smile to my face. I love to see them interact. I love that they are best friends. I love, love, love to watch them play. I love to watch them enter make-believe worlds that only they can understand. I love driving in the car and hearing the cute things that they say to each other. It makes me smile. I find that I smile a lot. And I think it's because I'm enjoying my little people so, so much. I often even smile when they are naughty...not always...but often.
I could almost 'hear' the words in my head: "Smile at them.". What a simple thought! I immediately thought back through the day and realized that I had not once smiled at my children. I sat down on my bed and thought about the answer I had been given. I pray a lot and I believe that prayers are answered, but seldom had I witnessed such an immediate and distinct answer to a prayer. I knew that I had just received personal revelation from my Heavenly Father. I knew that He was aware of me and that He understood my situation perfectly. I still didn't feel like smiling, so I practiced smiling as I sat there on my bed. I said another prayer, thanking God for His wise answer to my prayer and asking Him to help me to smile. Then I unlocked my door and faced my kids with a smile on my face.
Fast forward 15 years and three additional children, and I find that I still remember that sweet answer to my prayer just as vividly. Now, as an older mother of young children, I don't let the little things bother me as much. I better understand that each beautiful phase of childhood is fleeting and precious. I realize that I need to enjoy each moment to its fullest...not only the moments with my little children, but also each beautiful moment with my teenage and adult children. I'm better now at seeing these moments as the precious gifts that they are. And when I consciously notice these precious moments, I smile. I have a hunch that my sweet Father in Heaven is smiling with me. And when I'm caught up in these precious moments of motherhood, I often think back to the sweet and tender lesson I was taught so many years ago: Smile at Them!
