More Socially Savvy Ideas for Youth

GAME 2 – Speed Conversations (10 min)

(Combine 2 groups if needed or split one group in half) Have inner circle facing out and outer circle facing in

· Give girls list of conversation starters and have them practice 1 minute conversations with each other

· When the time is up have the outer group move one seat to the right

· Start up new conversation on a different topic

· See how much you can learn about each other that you didn’t already know.

101 Conversation Starters

Ice Breakers

·  Where did you grow up?

·  Do you have any pets?

·  Do you have any siblings?

·  Do you know what your name means?

·  What type of phone do you have?

·  What did you do this past weekend?

·  What are your plans for this weekend?

·  What do you like to do in your spare time?

·  What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

·  What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep?

·  What is your middle name?

·  What was the last thing you purchased?

·  What is your favorite holiday?

·  What is your favorite day of the week?

·  If you could meet anyone in history, who would it be?

·  What do you like to do to relax?

·  Are you a saver or a spender?

·  Do you play any instruments?

Childhood Questions

·  What was your favorite children’s book?

·  What is your first childhood memory?

·  What type of kid were you (e.g. spoiled, rebellious, well-behaved, quiet, obnoxious...)?

·  What is one thing you miss about being a kid?

·  What did you want to grow up to be when you were younger?

School/Work Topics

·  Where did (do) you go to school?

·  What was (is) your favorite subject?

·  What was (is) your least favorite subject?

·  What's the first thing you do after school/work?

·  Were you the class clown or teacher's pet?

·  What do you do for a living?

·  What is your dream job?

·  If you had $10 million, would you still be working/going to school?

·  What was your least favorite job that you've ever had?

·  Have you ever been fired?

Relationship Questions

·  What is the first think you notice about a guy or girl?

·  Have you ever been in love?

·  Do you believe in soul mates?

·  What are your turn offs?

·  Do you believe in love at first sight?

·  Do you prefer short hair or long hair on a guy/girl?

·  What do you look for in a guy/girl?

·  Who was the last person you called?

·  Would you rather be rich and never find true love or be poor and find true love?

Sports Conversation Starters

·  Who is your favorite athlete?

·  How often do you exercise?

·  What is your favorite sports team?

·  Do you play any sports?

Vacation Questions

·  Where was the last place you went on vacation?

·  Where do you plan on going for your next vacation?

·  If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

·  What countries have you traveled to?

·  What was your worst vacation experience?

Food/Drink Topics

·  What is your favorite drink?

·  What is your favorite food?

·  What is your favorite meal of the day?

·  Are there any foods that you dislike or will not eat?

·  Are there any foods that you would like to try?

·  What is your favorite restaurant?

·  What is your favorite pizza topping?

·  What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

·  What did you have for dinner last night?

·  What is the signature dish that you cook?

Entertainment Topics

·  Who is your favorite actor?

·  What is your favorite movie of all time?

·  What was the worst movie you've ever seen?

·  What is your favorite TV show?

·  What was the last movie you've seen?

·  What type of music do you like to listen to?

·  Who is your favorite music artist?

·  What was the last book you read?

Personal Questions

·  Who do you look up to?

·  Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

·  What are you scared of?

·  What is the best piece of advice you've received?

·  What do your parents do for a living?

·  What is your biggest regret?

·  What is your most embarrassing moment?

·  What is the craziest thing you've ever done?

·  What are some of your short-term goals?

·  What are some of your long-term goals?

Misc. Conversation Starters

·  Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

·  Tell me about your first car.

·  If you could have any super power, what would it be?

·  If you were stranded on a deserted island and you could have only 1 item, what would it be?

·  Do you believe in luck?

·  Do you play video games?

·  Do you believe people are inherently good?

·  How often do you shower?

·  What is your favorite board game?

·  What is your favorite charity?

·  Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?

·  Do you prefer cats or dogs?

·  Would you prefer to live in the city or a rural area?

·  What is your favorite season?

·  Do you speak any other languages?

·  Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

·  What is the best thing that happened to you during the past week?

·  What is the worst thing that happened to you during the past week?

·  Do you sing in the shower?

·  What is the most valuable thing that you own?

·  What would you do if you only had 24 hours left to live?

I can't take credit for the following points. I found many of these ideas on various websites:

1. Be a good listener. You can give visual clues that you are listening. You can nod your head, lean in towards the speaker to let them know you are paying attention. 

2. Be a warehouse of information. This entails reading a lot and watching many documentaries on television. But information does not have to be encyclopedic or boring. Read and learn about things you are interested in, but take time as well to learn about things you think other people would be interested in. Knowing a few good facts that other people can relate to is better for chit chat purposes than having a head full of information that makes the eyes of other people glaze over.

3. Care about the “vibe” more than the topic. A conversation is much more than an exchange of facts and ideas. It is an exchange of energy. What many people miss is that when you know how to make chit chat, it means you can create a positive exchange of energy. The topic is just an excuse, so it doesn’t have to be a deep topic. When you’re making chit chat, you want to focus more on being friendly and positive than on picking the right topic or saying the right things. Smile, relax, joke around, be spontaneous and be silly. Remember that your vibe comes mainly from your attitude.

4. Don’t get “stuck” on the trivial stuff. Keep in mind that chit chat is not a destination. It’s just a temporary station. If an interaction with a person goes well, do move the conversation to deeper and more personal topics. You can talk about topics (e.g., family and relationships, career plans, life goals, challenges, etc.). You now find yourself in a new land: the land of bigger chit chat. Ultimately, a strong bond between two people is created when they talk about the most meaningful things, in the most meaningful way. Knowing how to make chit chat is one of the key people skills to master. From there, if you also know how to have charisma and engage others in more intimate conversation, you can get outstanding results with people and you can build a highly fulfilling social life for yourself.

5. Don't melt-away from conversations. Make a graceful exit. Try and shake the hand of the person you've been talking to. Show appreciation by saying, "It was interesting hearing about your job."

6. Greet warmly and use names. Make sure if you don't remember someone's name to ask. And, be prepared to introduce people to each other. It's also important to smile and be the first to say hello. 

7. Get a life. It’s easy to make chit chat when you have a lot of things to chat about. People who know how to make chit chat well have a rich inner - and especially outer - life. Conversation is for them just a matter of expressing that. It’s much harder to make chit chat well when all you do is work a repetitive job or play on the computer all day. A rich lifestyle creates content and it helps you engage others. If you don’t have one, it’s time to create it (e.g., read, travel, try new things, take on various hobbies, do some charity work, socialize, etc.).

8. Keep a diary. This will serve as a repository of any information you feel is worth collecting. Anecdotes, important pieces of facts, names of people you need to remember - anything can go in that diary. The point is to read through the diary to bone up on the information that you feel is important to remember.

9. Keep it meaningful. Making chit chat makes a lot of sense with people you’ve just met. Imagine asking a person you know for 30 seconds: “So, how’s you sex life?” That is way too intrusive! Chit chat on the other hand provides a method to ease into the discussion. When you make chit chat, the subjects may be superficial for comfort, but they should be subjects you care about and approach in a straightforward manner, staying away from clichés. In this way, you can make the discussion meaningful for you – and for the other person. Focus on what is interesting as a topic and on what is real within you. You’ll make the talk fun even though you keep it small.

10. Learn to listen to what people around you are saying. Did your doctor just say he wants to go on vacation? Ask him when and where. Has your mother been telling you that she has back pains? Inquire whether they are getting worse. Did the cashier inform you that she is banking on being promoted soon? Congratulate her in advance. These are all opportunities to make chit chat, because you cared enough to listen to what they were telling you.

11. Make it a point to join groups of people anywhere just to make chit chat. Have you noticed that when many people are gathered together in one place, someone inevitably strikes up a conversation with another person there? Some people are quite shy though and leave it to other people to make the first move. That is okay, so long as you try to join in the conversation as well.

12. One of the best ways to learn about another person and help them feel as though you are interested in them is to ask questions and listen carefully to their responses. It may help you to prepare questions beforehand for the person you are meeting. Also, you can take a few minutes to learn something about the person you are going to meet before you meet. 

13. Prepare for conversation. Before going anywhere, you need to make sure you have two or three things to talk about. It only takes a couple of minutes to prepare. The worst time to think of what to say is when you actually have to say something. You can talk about current events or what you already know about the person. But you have to be prepared. 

14. Show an interest and dig deeper. Everybody should avoid clichéd questions that merely lead to clichéd answers that no one really cares about. "How was your day?" is one. You'll never know how someone's day was unless you dig deeper. You could say, "What went on at work today?" That kind of question will bring a more detailed, thoughtful answer, and you can follow up with another question. You have to actually be interested in the other person to have a good conversation.

15. Stop being an advisor. There's a real temptation in the course of conversation to respond to someone with advice. Resist that temptation. No one asked for advice. They just want to be heard. You don't have to solve people's problems in your conversations.

16. Treat chit chat with strangers as a skill you want to master. That means you need to have plenty of opportunity to make mistakes. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. That means you are experimenting and learning. Eventually you will become better at making conversation with new people.

17. Try talking to yourself in the mirror. This allows you to practice your chit chat skills in private. You can then catch any bad habits that you have, like pursing your lips or licking your lips when you speak.

18. Try to overcome any feelings of shyness or lack of self-confidence by participating in more opportunities to do chit chat. There's no getting around it - you learn how to make chit chat by doing chit chat whenever and wherever you can. 

19. Practice your chit chat skills on people you encounter in your daily life such as the gasoline attendant who fills your car tank with gasoline every week, or the bus driver who accepts your fare for the daily commute to the office. Practicing hones your chit chat skills so that when you have to attend that important community function you will find chit chat to be easier (if not second nature by then.)

20. Be patient with yourself as you learn the fine art of chit chat. Start very small with small talk. Then move on to bigger small talk.

Socially Savvy Youth Activities

Here are my notes from a number of youth activities we did to help the kids practice social skills:

Socially Savvy Soiree

Set up chairs in scalloped semi-circle. Count girls off 1-4 and make sure they go to their group.  Get rolling board from library- chalk.

Why is Social Savviness important? Savvy: to have practical knowledge about, to know or understand

·        Example from HS:nicest girl, acknowledged everyone by name, asked questions, very interested, smiled, sincere, also the most popular girl in school (because popularity wasn’t her goal). I was amazed at her social skills. And she had amazing skills, but what made them so powerful was that she genuinely cared about others (no matter what social group they were in).

·        Example from HS: Always enjoyed observing people. Noticed some people were popular but not nice. They didn’t really seem to care about anyone outside of their group: came across as snobbish. They seemed overly pleased with themselves. When they acted nice, it seemed fake, because they were only nice to help themselves be more popular/get answers to homework/

·        That’s when I realized that it wasn’t important to be popular. Popularity was not the goal. Kindness was! If your goal is to be kind, you will be in control! You won’t be disappointed or regret your decision. Popularity is fickle (it depends on others)! Kindness is true and you will feel SO much better about yourself.

o   As long as you have respect and care for a person, most of these skills will come naturally. This is Christ’s love in you; if that is shining, then good manners will come much more naturally and genuinely.

o   How do we act when we really feel love for someone?

§  We look them in the eyes, we take time for them, we help them, we treat them with respect and honor, etc.

o   Good manners/social skills + genuine love and concern = graciousness, kindness & charity

Common Courtesies

·        Read intro from Emily Post: Respect, Consideration, Honesty and Graciousness and Kindness

o   Emily Post’s Etiquette (Chapter 1: Guidelines for Living)

·        Let’s talk about Common Courtesies/Good Manners/ Social Etiquette (brainstorm on board?)

o   Common courtesy starts with acknowledging those around you pleasantly.

§  Please & Thank you

§  Excuse me

§  I’m sorry

§  Greeting/acknowledging  others

§  Handshaking

§  Smile

§  Be on time

§  Cell phone manners

§  Holding door open

§  Introducing people to each other

§  Remembering name

o   Are these skills important?

o   Difference between fake/forced and genuine good manners? (love)

·        Seeing VALUE in EVERYONE is the key!!

o   Who do we sometimes fail to value (person pumping our gas, the store clerk, the person who just cut in front of us, our younger brother, the person who is socially awkward or who doesn’t dress like us)

o   How do we learn to value others?

§  “See” them!

·        GAME 1: Did you notice?

o   Have the girls put down their heads and close their eyes.

o   Leader in each group asks different questions: Example: Do you know what color eyes the girl on your right has? What is she wearing? How is she wearing her hair today? Do you know if she's had a good day or a bad day so far?

o   If girl knows the answer, have her raise her hand (eyes still shut)

·        Ask the girls who were ‘noticed’ how it made them feel to be ‘noticed’.

o   Do you like to be noticed by others?

o   Do people generally like the people who notice them?

Body Language

·        Interested and non-interested body language

o   Smile, nod, listen, lean forward, ask clarifying questions

§  Example have one girl tell about her week to a girl who is sending “I’m not interested in what you have to say “body language”

§  Have that same girl tell the same thing to someone who shows interest.

·        Inclusive and exclusive body language—show that you value or don’t value a person

o   Sitting in class when someone else makes comment (roll eyes? Listen and comment? Laugh? )

o   Group of girls talking—excluding or including those outside group (open up the group, repeat what you’re talking about in order to invite the girl in: “Hey, Jen, Ashley was just telling us about her date last night. You need to hear this funny story.,”

o   Classroom or party—understanding between friends (you don’t have to be joined at the hip in public…it excludes people), you don’t need to always sit by friend or talk to friend. If you are comfortable in your friendship, make a goal to NOT sit by each other all the time.

Conversation

You have to WANT to get to know people. Sometimes, we feel complacent and lazy and don’t want to interact with others or even get to know them. BUT WHY should I want to get to know people? Because that’s how we let Christ’s love shine through us…

o   Openers- (act out with leader or youth) How TO get a STARTED when you don't really know a person.

§  Work towards a relationship by always nodding, smiling, saying “hey” or “hi” in passing

·        Make eye contact every time you pass the person and acknowledge them

§  1. Initiate the hello…and smile

·        Hi, I’m Sally.

§  2. Comment on the here and now.

·        It is such a beautiful day. I wish we could have class outside.

·        How do you know Mary?

·        Wow, the team played so well. That was a fun game to watch.

·        Did she really say the report was due tomorrow?

§  3. Notice and admire

·        That’s a beautiful scarf.

·        You really have a very pretty smile.

·        I love how you did your hair.

§  4. Ask people about themselves

·        Do you like living in town/out in the country/so close to the school?

·        How long have you played soccer?

·        What was your last school like? Do you miss it?

§  5. Know a little about what’s going on (but don’t get into anything controversial/political)

·        Wow, did you hear about the big earthquake in South America?

·        Did you hear that Mr. Smith won’t be teaching next year?

o   Keep the Volley going

§  If someone asks you a question, don’t just give them a one word answer

·        Explain yourself

·        Ask a question in return

§  Listen with your whole body (not just your ears)

·        Make eye contact (don’t be glancing over their shoulder at something else)

·        REALLY listen and remember (focus on the conversation)

·        Lean forward and show your interest

§  Don’t rush, make them feel valued by giving them your time.

·        If you really need to go, listen politely and then let them know that you’re sorry you can’t talk longer, but that you need to go. (always explain yourself, don’t just cut them short and leave)

§  Find common ground.

·        You can share your own experiences, but focus on the person you’re talking to and their experiences. Only share those things that will make the other person feel comfortable, valued and understood. (If they’re struggling with something, don’t start talking about how easy that is for you)

o   GAME 2 – Speed Conversations (10 min)

§  (Combine 2 groups if needed or split one group in half) Have inner circle facing out and outer circle facing in

§  Give girls list of conversation starters and have them practice 1 minute conversations with each other

§  When the time is up have the outer group move one seat to the right

o   INTRODUCTIONS

§  Go over basics

·        Introduce yourself whenever you don’t know someone (show)

·        Maybe talk about formal introductions (4 parts)

o   Stand up (face to face)

o   SMILE and make eye contact

o   Say your greeting (use the person’s name when possible)

§  Hi, it’s so nice to meet you, Julie!

o   Shake hands (very important in more formal settings)

o   GAME 3—Introductions

§  Divide girls into groups of 4-5 (with girls that they just talked to)

§  Assign each girl a role and a responsibility

·        Girl who knows both groups (to introduce, to make person feel special, to help everyone in the group feel comfortable by pointing out common interests or special talents)

·        New girl to group (to show interest in others and to learn things about each of them)

·        Girls in group (to make new girl feel welcome and comfortable, to express interest and warmth, to find common interests)

Why be Socially Savvy

How can it help you get to know more people (even the cute boy you really want to talk to)

How can it help me be a better missionary—now and later? (In other words, how can it help me to spread Christ’s love)

How can it help at school and in my future career?

Goals

• Smile at and make eye contact with someone you don’t usually talk to
• Choose to sit next to someone you don’t usually sit by and who you don’t know very well.
• When in a group, invite those on the outskirts into your conversation through your tone, your smiles and your body language
• Introduce someone to your friends. Make that person feel special and important.
• Compliment others behind their backs.
• Observe the people around you, look for something positive and compliment them on it. Be sincere.
• Make an effort to thank people for everything they do for you. Smile.
• “See” and “value” someone you haven’t really noticed before. Find something you admire about them and tell them
•   Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know.
• Start a conversation with someone you don’t usually talk to
• Find out something that is happening in his/her life
• Ask them about it the next time you him/her.

Invite:

Goal Handout:

Thoughts on Love, Service and Not Being a Doormat!

In response to a question my daughter posed about how to serve and love someone without that person taking advantage of you:

I was just thinking about the questions that you asked about selfishness, pleasing others and pleasing Heavenly Father. Here are some of my thoughts:

I think that it all comes down to charity. Charity is naturally selfless and charity naturally pleases our Heavenly Father. But what about pleasing others? I think that rather than thinkingloving others. We can’t always please others and please God, who is the only one that we truly need to please. But when we think about truly loving others, rather than pleasing others, it changes everything. We can love others and still not give into them. Loving others does not mean being their doormat. We can love others and not always give them what they want. We can truly love others and still be firm with them. And, as long as our love is sincere and real, our motives will be right. As we act with Christlike love, we can’t be wrong. That’s is because charity never, ever, ever, ever faileth. It is always, always, always the correct course of action. And if our hearts are filled with charity, we will be filled with the Spirit (because they are one and the same), and we will be inspired as to what we should say or do in any situation. Sometimes, the answer is to help a person out of a difficult situation and other times the answer is to allow them to learn to help themselves (with our support and love, of course).

about pleasing others, we need to think about

Either way, if we are acting out of Christlike love, we are pleasing Heavenly Father. In fact, I’m sure that nothing pleases Him more than our acts of charity. It’s this pure love that refines us and perfects us. There is nothing more powerful or more life changing than the pure love of Christ.

Another interesting thing about charity, is that it literally changes the way we see the world. When we look at the world through a heart filled with love, we experience a paradigm shift. The self-centered problems or questions we used to have, don’t exist. Instead of worrying about how to respond to certain people or how to control certain situations, we find ourselves concerned with how to truly help and love a person or group. We feel empathy and understanding instead of judgement and frustration. We see the world with a completely new set of eyes. You can see just how true that is if you take two people--one self-centered, proud person and one selfless, charitable person--and have them both experience the same event. They will come away with two completely different descriptions of the exact same event. And in every case, the selfless, charitable person will have a more accurate and objective observation of the event, because he is filled with the spirit of truth and love.

Here are a few quotes I found. Hope they help!

Elder Neal A. Maxwell of the Council of the Twelve has told us being meek and lowly of heart does not mean being used or abused—or being a “doormat” for others. “Meekness,” he says, “is more than self-restraint; it is the presentation of self in a posture of kindness and gentleness, reflecting certitude, strength, serenity, and a healthy self-esteem and self-control” (“Meekness—A Dimension of True Discipleship,” Ensign, March 1983, p. 71; emphasis added).

Elder Lynn G Robbins: Trying to please others before pleasing God is inverting the first and second great commandments (see Matthew 22:37–39). It is forgetting which way we face. And yet, we have all made that mistake because of the fear of men. In Isaiah the Lord warns us, “Fear ye not the reproach of men” (Isaiah 51:7; see also 2 Nephi 8:7).

One last thought: We should serve as the Savior served. He didn't stress out. He wasn't a doormat. He didn't try to do everything for everyone or to fix every single. He served the individual. He allowed them to be accountable. But above all, He loved them unconditionally!